Ice Cream and Investing

My friends and I would ride our bikes (Schwinn’s) to Thrifty’s Store to get ice cream. Thrifty’s ice cream was the best, and it was economically priced for young kids – 5 cents for a single, 10 cents for a double, 15 cents for a triple. Thrifty’s used an ice cream gun to produce near-perfect cylinders, ideal for stacking a triple scoop in a sugar cone. My three go-to flavors were mint chip, chocolate chip, and rocky road – in that order. I had no desire for peach, strawberry, or vanilla. Thrifty’s, at the time, only had about ten flavors, so if my friends wanted more variety, we’d ride to Baskin-Robbins. I would still order my three favorites, however.

Ice cream and investing have much in common because it has something for everyone — some like vanilla, others chocolate. Individual stock pickers might spend hours doing research, reading reports, talking to companies, or listening to analysts hoping to find a unique flavor at a bargain. Or worse, they may watch an expert on TV talking about ice cream, and without any knowledge, they buy gallons of the flavor before tasting it because some guy told him it was going to be good.

Mutual fund investors rely on others to choose the ice cream for them, regardless of flavor. The investors give up the right to select peach or mocha because the flavors are handpicked by the money manager. A mutual fund ice cream owner will get the best flavors, and the worst. In addition to my three favorite flavors, I will also get ones I don’t like. However, the tasty flavors will outnumber the bad ones, and over time, the bad ones will go away.

Trying to pick individual stocks is challenging because you’re continually searching for the next big winner on a limited budget. Today if you decide to buy several ice cream cones with a dollar, you’re not going to get many, or any. And, if you’re fully invested, you must sell one stock to buy another. Do you sell vanilla to buy chocolate? Trading stocks can be expensive, and it’s not tax efficient.

Owning a globally diversified portfolio of low-cost mutual funds is a better solution for most investors because you can own several thousand stocks and, gasp, bonds. I prefer not to eat strawberry ice cream, but millions do. If my mutual fund owns strawberry ice cream, I win even if I don’t eat it. My globally diversified portfolio gives me exposure to stocks on the other side of the world that I would not have chosen myself. Chinese people like black sesame ice cream, Indians want jackfruit, and Swedes prefer ice cream with lingonberries[1]. If I didn’t own a global portfolio, I would miss out on these distinctive flavors.

Here are a few reasons to own a globally diversified portfolio of low-cost mutual funds.

  • Your investment portfolio is a function of your goals, whether you’re aggressive, conservative, or somewhere in between. If your investments match your goals, you’re more likely to hold on to them regardless of market conditions allowing you to capture the upward trend in the stock market.
  • Your costs will go down because you won’t need to trade because your account is being managed for the long haul by your fund managers.
  • Mutual fund companies are in a trade war as they compete against each other to lower their fees. Their pain is your gain. Schwab, Fidelity, Vanguard, and T.D. Ameritrade each have waived their trading commissions. Dimensional Fund Advisors is lowering fees on 77 of their funds. The cost of their U.S. Large Company Portfolio is dropping 40%![2]
  • A balanced portfolio will remove your investment bias and tendencies. I prefer buying large companies with growing dividends, but I also need to own small international growth companies that don’t pay any dividends. A global portfolio allows me to hold a variety of stocks, especially ones I would never buy on my own.

I own a globally diversified portfolio of low-cost mutual funds because it allows me to enjoy my life and focus on things I want to do, like eat ice cream.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream! ~ Howard Johnson

January 7, 2020

Bill Parrott, CFP®, CKA®, is the President and CEO of Parrott Wealth Management located in Austin, Texas. Parrott Wealth Management is a fee-only, fiduciary, registered investment advisor firm. Our goal is to remove complexity, confusion, and worry from the investment and financial planning process so our clients can pursue a life of purpose. Our firm does not have an asset or fee minimum, and we work with anybody who needs financial help regardless of age, income, or asset level. PWM’s custodian is TD Ameritrade, and our annual fee starts at .5% of your assets and drops depending on the level of your assets.

Note: Investments are not guaranteed and do involve risk. Your returns may differ from those posted in this blog. PWM is not a tax advisor, nor do we give tax advice. Please consult your tax advisor for items that are specific to your situation. Options involve risk and aren’t suitable for every investor.






[1], by Linnea Covington, June 1, 2016.

[2], by Evie Liu, December 23, 2019

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